Hello there. Lorien is writing an entry. He has been a busy bee. He spent a few delightful (albeit debaucherous) days in Oxford the other week, and he feels like writing in third person for reasons he is not quite sure of. Okay he is sick of this narrative style already… As per usual I had a great time in Oxford, with great people, and many amusing conversations. I won’t even begin to start on the argument about gourmet burgers (which I massively love by the way)… I have hardly been home at all recently, it’s odd now I am at home, I am finding myself itching to go away again. Wanderlust is infectious I find.

I had an interesting few days in Oxford (back again, only went before last a few weeks ago!), from eating pickled onions in a bar garden on the Cowley Road (why the hell not?! …I’m trying my best to justify it, and failing), fresh fruit Martinis (passion fruit, delicious!), White Russians, grotty pubs with Pin Ups on the bathroom walls, Neapolitan shots, rain storms, Indian take away (om nom nom springs to mind), a made up drink called the Mistake, laughing at soggy Nuns (isn’t that like a cardinal sin, or something?), naked parties (no comment), beat boxing live after parties (six is a magic number apparently), meteor showers (no wishing on airplanes for me – was beautiful!), and just generally lounging about with friends. Prior to Oxford I spent a few days in the countryside of Cymru. Here’s a photograph I took of the beach I would like to share with you:

One of our dear darling family cats got very ill, and sadly had to be put down the other week… I must admit I found it quite upsetting. The cat was only a year, or so younger than myself, and consequently I cannot actually remember life without him. It was very difficult, but euthanasia was for the best, as near the end he started to be in a lot of pain. Life without him is peculiar, it’s like the end of an era. He had a lot of fight in him, and out lived the life expectancy of a pedigree cat by quite some years. So at least he certainly had a long, and very full life for a cat. You could tell he was old just by looking at him, he wasn’t the cute ball of fluff he used to be, in fact his fur grew coarse, and he more, and more he looked like a wise old sage of cats ha, but he certainly had fight in him! So rest in peace Lion.

So the other week I finally got my iMac back, I had a little issue with it. My optical disk drive wouldn’t eject, so I had to haul ass to the Genius Bar at the Apple Store to get it sorted. Of course they did not have the part in stock, so I left my iMac with them, just got it back nearly two weeks later. I have missed it, although not that much, because to be honest I have hardly been home the past two weeks! Thank you to Apple for my warranty, that saved me £129.25… just wish you’d make your products more portable, it’s a bit of a hassle to drag a 24 inch iMac to your store… Ah well. I love my iMac I just think there is something incredibly sexy about the iMac, I absolutely love mine. It meets all my needs perfectly, and well I love it. Since I had my first Mac I was besotted (a Mac Mini in 2005), I certainly could not go back to Windows now. N.B. Just thought I’d get this in before all Windows, anti OSX et cetera fan people start jumping at my throat. I do not think there is anything wrong with Windows. It is a preference thing, and personally I prefer Mac – if you don’t well good for you (I don’t really care). (I’m finding it hilarious I’m having to put this in here, but I know what people are like these days).

Speaking of Apple products I’ve been a very naughty Lorien. Despite the fact I am a gigantic BlackBerry advocate, I now have the iPhone 4. I needed a change, and I was sick of my service provider (T-Mobile for the record) playing up, and not delivering the kind of service that I expect… so I got a new phone, and contract – as you do.

Such a beautiful phone, sadly have to keep it in it’s case just to protect it from scratches, wear, and tear (I don’t have the best phone care track record, alcohol, and phones doesn’t mix well). It looks so much well sexier (yes I did just call an inanimate object sexy) without the case, but ah well! I just grabbed the only case they had in store, but the back is rather funky. Sadly Louis Vuitton haven’t released an iPhone 4 case yet (I want!!!), and there is no indication that they actually will – but I can hope right?! Come on LV, don’t let me down. I need more monogram in my life (who doesn’t?!)

I still hold a space for BlackBerry in my heart, I simply love mine. Until I figure out what I’m doing with my BlackBerry, and sort it out, I have both phones. So I probably look like a drug dealer, or something ha.

I have had a dramatic past few weeks, full of highs, and lows – I haven’t quite mastered stability it seems (I’m working on it), it’s all one extreme to the other. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy, as when I have too much time on my hands I sort of lose it. As fun as hedonistic pursuits can be, it can get a bit too much at times. In fact it has quite disgusted me recently, too much of a good thing, really is a bad thing (and I’m usually all for excess), but it gets to the point where you just feel nothing. Nothing isn’t nice, I don’t like feeling nothing. I don’t like to be empty. I want to be full of life, and emotions, feeling everything, the good, and the bad.

A lot of change is on the horizon, I need to make some crucial life decisions. I’m actually quite nervous (yes I do get nervous!), change is never easy – but it is essential for survival I guess. A lot of people I know are making a major change right now, I cannot say I am making the same change as them – but I am making a change never less. The route I’ve chosen so far in my life certainly hasn’t been conventional, but I enjoy doing it my way, and I am not going to change for anyone. I think it can take a lot of guts to say I want to do this, or I want to do that. …regardless of what happens, I simply cannot do nothing. I’d lose my mind, as aforementioned I have to keep myself busy. I need to stop waiting for things to happen, and start making things happen. I suppose when it all gets in motion it gets easier.

I have really learnt who my closest friends are recently. Some people have really disappointed me of late, at first I was a tad upset, and now I’m just taking it with a pinch of salt. We’re only human, and in a couple of weeks, days, weeks, or whatever, it’ll all seem rather insignificant, and irrelevant, and I’ll laugh, and wonder why I cared enough to blog about it. I suppose the main issue is it taints things in my opinion, I stop expecting concrete friendships, and start to look at things in a disposable perspective… which is wrong – as a friend shouldn’t be disposable. I know there are some people in my life who are always going to be there for me, but others, I see it almost like a ticking time bomb. I’m just waiting till it’s over, and it makes me not want to trust, or get close to people. I’m reluctant to commit in terms of friendship, if it’s only going to be short lived… I think back to some friendships I’ve had that have faded out, and it sort of hurts, the caring for a person never quite dies out, even if the relationship disintegrates. I guess it is all just a part of life, and I should stop moaning, and get on with it. After all nothing lasts forever, albeit that’s quite a cynical way to think about it, and I’m far from a cynic. I’m more of an idealist… I’d like to think some people will always be in my life, as I cannot imagine it without a certain few individuals, who I genuinely love (they should know who they are), and I don’t like to think other wise. Everything is just so kaleidoscopic recently. I need some stability, but in order to gain some stability, I need to have some major change.

I had a lot more to say, but I cannot say I’m feeling it right now. I feel if I write about it, it will make it more real, and I am not ready for it right now to be honest. I’m trying to keep myself in a positive state of mind, hell even negative would do – anything is better than indifference. It’s a bank holiday weekend, and a friend’s birthday. I am determined to go out, and enjoy myself. I’m living the teenage dream after all.

I always leave you with something (because I’m nice like that), so here you go, a photograph of me earlier in my garden (bit anticlimactic I know right?);